Journaling

Nine Among Thousands.

Thousands of quotes stored within my longterm memory banks. Nine specifically selected to decorate the Journal I started for Valentina in 2017.

Two.

Two years of saying I would begin such a piece of art, for I believe journals are not simply words slapped haphazardly onto paper. Writing from the heart transforms into beauty. Perhaps as beautiful as the time lapse photography exhibited within one of my favorite Ted Talks:

^Louie Schwartzburg

Hopefully leaving a legacy of Valentina’s mommy’s thoughts, words, values and core beliefs.

There may not be a mommy handbook, but who is to say our children may not benefit from opening up the good ‘ole book from their mom.

The day she critiques and engages in debates of my beliefs will be embraced with excitement! Can not wait to hear her brain challenge my thoughts. To entertain her truths most definitely will be an interesting stop along our path.

As a parent, there’s a fine line between imposing values, pressures and standards versus offering our own and embracing the differences between us. Trying tirelessly to validate but also challenge. To not silence their spunk. To encourage and respect their voice.

There’s was a moment in time, actually Valentina’s first two years of life, where I’d wonder when I’d be blessed to hear that sweet voice she’s now begun to use. Although, if you’re in her presence for an hour or less, you may be lucky to get a hint of a whisper from her. As her hearing difficulties contribute to her caution and fear of how others may perceive her words. But, her voice will not shake, in time.

Journaling has been a coping mechanism I’ve utilized in childhood into adulthood and have adapted into my practice in therapy with patients.

Very early on, recognizing a passion to express thoughts, create poetry, draw, imagine… Hours upon hours of crafting my heart onto paper.

Would you believe I once used a typewriter?

Papa Baldie was so excited to purchase me that gray piece of fabulous equipment that even included a back space erase feature! For my artsy, multitalented, authentic, wise, patient, loving, gardening, painting, war serving, business owning, cigar smoking, chess teaching, golf playing, worm digging, leave raking, bat house making, crop growing, lawn mowing, neighborhood walking, story telling, respectful, caring, smiling Papa may become multiple blog posts. He is our angel. Both on earth and now watching over us. He passed 2 days after I was able to tell him I was carrying his great granddaughter, Valentina. Unfortunately Hospice Care led to a less than expected response, but as time passes I know he couldn’t form what he’d have wanted to without breaking, so asking for a popsicle seemed like the best way to hold back his emotions. But the way he squeezed my hand and glanced away was enough. Interestingly enough, a blog to follow about holding back tears.

Papa would sit patiently and listen to me read journal entries aloud, entertain my poetry and take the time every single weekend to teach me a little bit about each of his passions.

I started this journal for Valentina, My V, because there’s no one on earth who can replace what we as mom’s can offer our daughter’s. In being mindful today is a gift and tomorrow may be a legacy, at least I can rest my head with the hope my daughter can revisit my words to pick herself up, dust herself off from all those hurricanes… and feel at peace knowing just how much I love her. Knowing just how we are able to rise each day smiling and kiss goodnight blowing kisses.

That is not phony. That is not pretend. It is possible to foster an environment built upon laughter smiles, love and authenticity. Patience is a beautiful virtue.

So… the journaling continues.

Perhaps one day, Valentina may turn my writings to her into a fabulous published book… one she can speak about as well as sign.

Be well.